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Welcome to the world of people, we all have bumps and lumps and weird hairs. Mention our to your girlfriend in a none judgemental way, do not mention your feelings on the matter.

She either knows and doesn't care for what ever reason just hasn't noticed them. Her response will tell you how you go forward.

Consider option 3: Your girlfriend is an awesome, fabulous person who knows that she is beautiful and attractive without being what current beauty standards consider perfect, she thinks your relationship is based on mutual trust, understanding, and shared interests, and that you both love and accept each other as you are.

Your attitude is unreasonably entitled and judgmental, and this is far more of a problem for your relationship. It may be less noticeable on others because of their hair color or grooming rituals, but, trust me, we all have it.

Is it a problem for me? I wouldn't go so far to say it's a dealbreaker, however, if everything else was great.

I like the above suggestions of beginning the conversation with a question, but since you're eventually going to get there anyways, I think it's best to be direct.

Something along the lines of, "I noticed you had some chin hairs. What are your thoughts about facial hair on women?

Do you want me to let you know when I notice them or should I just butt out? I wouldn't get into the "if you cared about me, you'd put the effort in" thing.

Also, certain topics are button pushers. For me, it's my weight. There are some medical issues that are barriers to my losing weight, but, even if there weren't, my weight in no way reflects how much I care about my partner or our relationship.

Facial hair could be a button pusher for her, so pay careful attention to how she responds and adjust your approach accordingly.

As mentioned above, it's important to keep in mind that there are going to be times when we don't put a lot of effort into our appearances because life happens.

If your relationship is a good one, appearance will not matter then. Basically, start the conversation gently with a question and let her lead.

If she asks for your opinion, then be honest, but in a caring way probably the most neutral thing you could say is that sometimes it is distracting.

Best of luck! But she has a lot to lose. You're not the only person in this relationship, but by micromanaging her appearance, you're putting your own preferences over her bodily autonomy.

I dated a guy who thought I should "look my best" for him. It started small, he didn't like my thick eyebrows.

I plucked them. He didn't like my pubic hair. I shaved it, every day. This escalated into managing my clothes, my hair, my makeup, my diet, my weight.

By the end, when I finally got up the courage to leave, I weighed 88 pounds. And I felt like I was two inches tall.

He did a number on my self esteem. And he started small. He started chipping away at my autonomy and my control over my body by being really bothered by my eyebrows and by deciding to tell me he was bothered.

And that he just wanted me to want to look my best for him because he tried to look his best for me.

This was a common refrain from him. And it implied something: that by being myself, I wasn't trying.

That he knew better than I did what looking my "best" was. That I needed him to teach me how to train my body to be as attractive as possible.

This is deeply misogynistic, I'm sorry to say. This is not about the chin hairs. This is about control. You can tell yourself all day that you'd never get that bad, that you'd never make her lose weight, but here you are, asking people for advice on how to control your girlfriend's appearance.

Talking about this with her has the potential to do serious damage to her. When you're with someone you don't think about whether you have nothing to lose when you want something.

You think about both of you. Honestly, the kindest thing you could do is break up with her, kindly, without mentioning this.

You're not attracted to her, and you have some work and self examination to do before you date. Yeah I think the way you worded this question is gross.

However, I, too, have a dark chin hair that recently started growing. I don't have PCOS, it's just regular hormones. I didn't notice it at first and I don't think anyone else did either or if they did they didn't say anything.

Alas, I found it first. I don't really get why people are suggesting this big sensitive speech about the hair. Just turn to her on the couch and say, "oh, looks like you've got a couple hairs there.

If she's thankful you pointed them out and plucks then, you have no problem. I guess in the early stages of a relationship this is important info.

I think I would talk to her about it because she has a right to know that the guy she's dating has a tendency to obsess about some hair she has on her face, having bought into a view of the world that gives men latitude to choose how they deal with hair but tells women there is only one acceptable level of body hair, and she can decide whether she wants to have to deal with that for life or not.

From the vantage of 22 years of marriage, I have to say I am getting to the stage where I'm aware that one day one of us will be gone and that I would miss every single hair.

If you can't get there that's ok but do let her know. Just ask her why she does not pluck them. In a nice companionable moment, when you're sharing stuff about yourselves, ask her why.

Maybe she doesn't care; maybe it's too ouchy, maybe she can't see them, maybe she's making a political statement. Then maybe you can turn the conversation to how it's less than sexy for you.

It's true, we all have things that our partners find less than sexy. How you navigate them is with love and respect for your partner and an awareness that you might be unreasonable or that it might be worth getting over to stay with someone awesome.

I will agree that this "[I]t would kind of bother me that she doesn't want to look her best for me and that she isn't comcerned enough about her health to get checked out.

You have no idea what's going on in her head and are expressing little concern for the demands on the psyche the whole "Be Attractive to Your Man" bullshit creates in a person and the "why has she not seen a doctor for a few chin hairs??!?!?!

It sounds from the way you lay this out that what you need to do is bring it up, and risk ending the relationship.

I have dated people who would call something like this to my attention, probably by looking at the area repeatedly and then reaching out and touching it and saying something like, "Oh, that's a hair; I didn't know what that was.

So it was like, "Wait, you don't cut your toenails? To be clear, I think that's absolutely buffoonish behavior, but if that is how you roll, she might as well know.

I do agree with others that from here on out, you shouldn't date people who have big deal-breakers in their appearance, and certainly not for five months with exclusivity.

To me, an issue with the "just point it out" thing is that body hair is a huge source of shame for women in a way that it is not for men.

There's certainly some "men's body hair ew" discourse out there, but nothing like the whole "normal, real woman are naturally hairless, you should work hard to conceal your deviation from the norm, and if you don't you're disgusting" routine that women get.

I say this quite seriously as an AFAB person - there are many entirely normal and average things about my body that I thought were freakish anomalies until well into my thirties.

There are several things about my body where I nearly match the beauty ideal, in fact, but because I did not match porn , I thought I was deficient.

Women, especially but not exclusively straight women, are not only taught to be ashamed of the natural state of their bodies but very often are taught that they and they alone are disgusting, hairy, etc, and that they need to be very careful to cover up their deviation from the norm.

It's also important for men generally to understand how much work goes into the cultural narrative of "men and women naturally look extremely different".

We construct these bodies where women's bodies are smooth, women's hair is long, women wear make-up and do all kinds of things to keep their skin supple and even-toned, women take care of blemishes, women wear clothes that make the body look as small as possible, women wear shoes that make the feet look small, and men leave their skin alone, cut their hair short and pay little attention to it, wear bulky clothes and shoes, do very little hair-removal, etc.

And then we pretend that the natural state of things is that men and women are extremely physically different. It's not natural. It's constructed, and it results in men who feel that when women do not do every little thing to emphasize how "not man" they are in appearance, then those women must be somehow physical failures.

Think about this: your girl friend is never, ever going to say "you have a tiny physical anomaly, literally the size of a few hairs, and it's an appearance deal-breaker for me".

Your girlfriend will not do this not only because women are socialized differently than men but because we all grow up with the idea that men's bodies are "natural" just as they are and have a sort of "natural" right to exist in their original state.

It is for this reason that you equate "my girlfriend thinks she would break up with a guy with a micropenis - an imaginary guy who she's never met, so really she might change her mind if she really clicked with this theoretical guy with a rare condition" with "I should be able to tell my girlfriend that a couple of chin hairs render her unattractive to me".

Men's bodies are, on average, granted a right to exist that women's are not. Having read Frowner's response-- with which I agree, by the way-- I wanted to add that your decision shouldn't be based on any projection about how she is going to react, or feel.

Certainly not on how she should react. You may feel it wouldn't bother you in her place, and people may say it wouldn't bother them, but that doesn't prove anything about how it's going to affect her.

It is very likely that it will bother her and she will break up with you because of it. If she doesn't, then great, but she really may and you can't control that.

I would have said yeah, tell her, it'll give her a good reason to break up in all likelihood and you didn't want to be with her anyway.

Yeah, when she's young enough that this is still probably one of her formative relationships and you're nearly a decade older?

You can ask her about it, directly. It may not really be as big a deal as others are suggesting. I do care about what my boyfriend thinks of my appearance--his opinion is second only to my own.

We have had discussions about things much more serious than our looks. Also, in general, we are not very sensitive about our appearances, so whether we like or dislike something, we roll with it.

I always wanna know what he's thinking, even if I don't like it, even if I disagree strongly, at least I know.

Oh my goodness. Just tell her. Life is busy and it is hard to see your own chin. Like sometimes I'll find a hair on my chin and think Jesus how long has THAT been there??

Peepsburg at AM on December 18, [ 15 favorites ]. I've had a little bit of facial hair since I went through puberty, and as I've aged it's increased a bit.

The medical condition that causes this is called being a human being -- every woman I've ever met has had some amount of facial hair. I used to tweeze these hairs off but as someone else mentioned upthread, doing so is a constant low level of work that ends up being pretty draining.

Not having the kind off money required for laser or electrolysis, I started shaving. I dread returning to dating because I dread having a boyfriend like you.

I don't want to trust my heart to someone who will make weird judgements about my attractiveness and make assumptions about my health simply because I am a human being.

My advice is for her to dump you. For what it's worth, it's possible that a casual and neutral, "hey, not to be awkward, but did you know you have a couple long hairs on your chin?

The answer could be "shit, thanks, I had no idea, and while we're talking about it, the end of your nose is growing some fuzz. I think there is a large percentage of women who would appreciate the heads up, if done politely.

If she's working on fulfilling her potential to be bearded, then that's cool but maybe she's not the one for you. If you believe that a normal body function is less than the "best" she is required to look "for you", you should break up with her.

Women die from this kind of critical pressure to conform to impossible beauty standards, especially as wielded by men who consider them an entitlement.

Anyway, nobody ever did say a word about my face which I think is because I didn't need "need" to fix anything about it.

Serious question: If these chin hairs are visible to you at all times, and if you consider this a flaw that you're finding it tough to get past, then how have you gotten to the point that you've already been dating her for 6 months?

Were you so smitten with her in the beginning that the chin hairs didn't bother you? Because if that's the case then you should consider whether your problem with the chin hairs is the result of waning interest in her, and not the cause.

If that's so, then bringing it up with her will only hurt her and ultimately not help your feelings about her anyway.

Just ask her about it. At five months it isn't unreasonable to state minor, achievable aesthetic preferences.

If you were a woman and you told your boyfriend of 5 months you preferred the clean shaven look no one here would be flipping out.

In no way should you expect she feels obligated to take your preference into mind when she grooms, but it isn't "controlling her appearance" by mentioning it.

As for how to do it- make it low key. While watching a movie look closely at her and say "Hmm, you seem to have a chin hair.

Want me to pluck it? I promise. Thanks for taking the time to answer and give me your opinions. There have been many great answers that have made me think about myself and the relationship.

I probably haven't worded things too well in certain areas which may have caused some of the more negative responses which, again, makes me think I'd probably suck at bringing this up with her.

I should point a few things out. She can expect the same of me, and if there was something changeable about my appearance, such as trimming body hair, that she would rather I do, I would want her to tell me.

I've been in such relationships, so it can work both ways. Don't misunderstand me though, I am not saying men trimming body hair is anywhere near as sensitive an issue as women with facial hair.

When we first met there were a couple that I didn't think much of, but there are many more now and they have gotten longer which has led me to think it may be a health issue - I'm not just looking for excuses with that.

I didn't realise that so many women do have hair on their face and have no health conditions, so thanks to those who have pointed it out. I understand that I may come off as an ass in some of this, and maybe I am.

Unfortunately I do live in a world where too much pressure is put on people to look good, which does suck. That you don't think it's misogyny to expect a woman to police her body to please her man does not mean that it isn't.

That is quite a different thing than acknowledging that sexual attraction is part of a relationship and quite a different thing than both women and men having preferences in a partner.

What is the result of structural misogyny is not that you find chin hairs off-putting. The result of misogyny is your framing this as disappointment that she is not prioritizing her appearance to you by letting the chin hairs grow.

Sounds to me like you have not got the right mindset to have this conversation, yet. If something bothers you, bring it up. But not as a "why wouldn't you look your best for me" framing which is a put down and unhelpful, but something that acknowledges that you have the issue and are asking for a favor, which is "I am kinda obsessed with the hairs on your chin, would you be willing to pluck them?

I think the "just bring it up, short sweet and casual, and it'll be no big deal" approach would only work in relationships that are a lot more respectful and equal than yours is coming across.

Women are mammals, we're covered in hair. Most of us do a lot to remove it but expecting a mammal to present as hairless every day is pretty strict.

Bluntly, I don't think you can manage to ask this of her without telegraphing the entitlement, resentment, misogyny, and ignorance that comes across in your post.

Also, if you are concerned about her health that is TOTALLY not going to come across if you bring it up as a criticism of her face.

I don't get your update at all-- if your concern is her health and not her sexiness, why is the question all about her looks?

If you can throw the attitude that your girlfriend "owes" you a level of physical attractiveness--to be determined solely by you--in the garbage, that might help you get over this, or get to a place where bringing this up isn't going to be so loaded.

I don't think the 6. OP I would urge you to consider which 6. I briefly dated someone another woman who was 26 when I was 32, and HOLY SHIT do those years matter.

This is not to say that those relationships can't work out, but in my own personal experience including friends' relationships, and others I've been in a position to observe , those are some key life-learning and self-actualizing years, and that difference in experience seems to lead to serious power disparities.

I would be really, really wary of this, because when someone doesn't have the experience or the self-actualization or the confidence to either stand up for themselves or assert healthy boundaries, by definition you have no way to know that that's what's happening until it blows up in your face.

Unless other behavior sets off your "hey this might not be ok" alarm and you get out real quick, as I was fortunate enough to do.

I don't think that you having a preference for women with no facial hair is a problem in and of itself, but it is problematic that you assume that a it's easy for her to meet your preference and b that her not doing so means she's not "trying her best".

If she's not managing her chin hair And I say this as a woman who routinely plucks and waxes and all that jazz.

When I've been in a relationship, it's something I partly did for my partners, but paradoxically the level of labour involved is something that men in my life have treated me like garbage over.

Like, how dare I make space for grooming rituals that keep you attracted to me? Especially if a woman can't meet that beauty standard consistently despite effort which might be true of your girlfriend if she's particularly hairy , they open up the possibility of being derided by men close to them for trying so hard but not being hot enough, which seems a lot funnier to men than simply not trying at all.

It's not just jerks who do this - it's men who want to stick it to women they claim to care about. Maybe she just wants to avoid going down that rabbit hole?

Answer the question if you have suggestions. Try to be helpful with realistic advice, and "you may not have considered X" is fine, but this space is not for debate and discussion.

As a human being and therefore a mammal, I have facial hair on my upper lip and chin. Dealing with it is, as someone above said, a constant source of low level stress.

I tweeze regularly but the chin hair in particular is difficult because it's hard to see to tweeze, if that makes sense I have to like, scrunch in my chin to access it but then it's hard to see.

The upper lip hair is tough because I can see it at the corners of my upper lip but it's hard to get closer to the middle of my upper lip.

I don't want to shave because I'm worried that will make the situation worse - if I miss a day tweezing, I might have five hairs that go rogue but if I miss a day shaving, I worry I will actually look like a dude.

And I tried laser hair removal on my upper lip and it grew back. As a result of having constant upper lip hair, I never wear lip color because even though I think I'd like how it looks, I worry about drawing attention to my hairy upper lip.

I haven't had my face waxed in months and I feel worse about my appearance as a result. When you want to talk to your girlfriend about her facial hair, that's what you're signing her up for.

It's not just like shaving your face every other day or getting your hair cut every six weeks. And mind you, my husband doesn't seem to care whether I wax or not.

That's all me projecting my own insecurities onto my face. Tags: amateur blow job facial. Enjoying my birthday present.

Login or Sign Up now to post a comment! Forgot Password? Videos Videos Photos Members Group Playlists. Read more at The New York Times and find the whole study at Science.

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